Expressing Yourself!

I really can’t preach on this because I myself am very bad at it! When it comes to being happy I’ll have the broadest smile on my face so that everyone knows that I’m really very happy… even if it is because of a lecture getting cancelled. But when it comes to sadness, worry, anger, fondness,confusion…I really can’t show it. Neither am I afraid that the other person will bash me up if I show my anger to them nor am I scared of sharing my fears with people. It’s just that I don’t want others to have a bad day after talking to me…after all people will remember you only if you have done good to them and not left bad memories behind! I feel it’s necessary to share your happiness and spread the smile all around but when it comes to sharing worries…you should keep it to yourself because you might just spoil someone’s day!
This attitude of mine might have been nurtured by my family members constantly telling others “she’s very strong and brave”, “she never cries even though she’s a girl while her brothers cry for silly reasons” etc.etc and my dad treating me more like a son than a daughter. And to live up to whatever they said I learnt this technique of keeping some things to myself rather than expressing them, especially the negative emotions. (I don’t think my parents saw me crying ever since the 2nd grade…pride you see!) Obviously I’m wrong sometimes when I’m not expressing myself…my friends listed this as my biggest drawback! According to them I’ll call ‘right’ as ‘right’ but when it comes to telling something is ‘wrong’ ,I’ll end up saying ‘it’s ok’. Like when I saw one of my classmate’s cell phonebook and my name with a tagline ‘bitch’, I got really very angry for I had done nothing to get that famous title added to my name(I’m still wondering why that person did so?)…but I didn’t show any signs of frustration or anger…I really don’t know why? Probably because I don’t want to hurt anyone (am I talking like some spiritual person?)
I know speaking our mind is really important but if it hurts someone is it ethical then? When I don’t speak up I know things are mounting up within me but if I do, I’m scared of making someone sad or things getting out of control. When my friends discuss their worries with me, it takes out some part of “the happy feeling” from me and I fear doing the same to them by telling them my problems (gawd…this is getting so senti!). Lastly I feel, one person sad is better than 100 sad faces around…isn’t it?